Balancing Yin

yin-yang-mustacheWhere unchecked violence grows, the feminine energy has been suppressed.  For 3,000 years masculine energy has dominated our society.

Masculine and feminine energies are complimentary and we need both (the “yin-yang”).  But it’s out of balance.  Then what happens to the world?  What happens to the women?

We get stressed, we have no libido, and we gain weight.  

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

What is masculine energy?

  • Work really, really hard
  • It’s the bottom line that matters
  • It’s all about me, not about society as a whole

What is feminine energy?

  • Noticing the sacred in the small detailed things
  • Fostering connections and societies
  • Intuition 
  • The ability to give life itself!

I love that the Dalai Lama himself said at the Vancouver Peace Summit in 2009, “the world will be saved by the western woman.” I was like, “Yes! I think so too!” Too long has our world been led by men. Guys, nothing against you or your ability to lead, but it’s been a little (no, a LOT) lopsided here.

More than 3000 years ago, women were revered as holy. We could be priestesses, mothers, and community leaders.  The female figure was not harshly judged, but in fact revered for its curves. The curves are life-giving.  Have you ever looked at a fertility goddess from thousands of years ago?

fertility-goddess
No body shame here.  Hips for child-bearing (or child hoisting), breasts for nursing or snuggling up against. Do you think she wants to lose weight?  No.  Wanting to lose weight is something that your brain comes up with.

It’s when we lose touch of our bodies and start living in our minds that we “think” we want / need to lose weight.

If you really live “in your body,” you know  

  1. when you’re hungry and when you’re not
  2. when you want to exercise and when you want to rest
  3. when you’re unhappy and when you’re happy
  4. what you really desire and how to ask for it

The media has encouraged us to not trust our bodies and that with our will-power, with our minds, we can CONTROL our bodies.

This is what is desired. Absolute body control. Heaven forbid a woman seem out of control. That is societally discouraged. Be in control with your emotions, body, and opinions, is the message we send to young women.

Oh, and never show us when you’re angry or upset.  My mother used to call it “ugly” when I was angry.  I’m not blaming her, she was probably told by her mother who was told by her mother on and on to not show anger.  That it made people uncomfortable to see a woman showing a range of normal emotions.  Just bottle it up or blame it on her period.  

I remember as a young teenager reading some girl’s magazine, “Seventeen” perhaps, and worrying – ACTUALLY WORRYING – about how I may not know how to do everything PERFECTLY. We are supposed to know how to perfectly eat / how to perfectly please a man / how to perfectly groom ourselves / etc…

And so it’s been since, I don’t know, the 18th century? But then a funny thing happened: the women’s “lib” movement. We decided we wanted to be able to vote. We wanted to be able to get an equal education. We wanted to have jobs and make our own money.

But…it also kind of encouraged women to act like men.  You know, “Man up!”

How about Hillary Clinton: when she first announced her candidacy, I was so excited just because -hey, a woman may become president!

But does she need to act like a man to get elected?  I think: quite the contrary.  I think she needs to “woman up.”  Rough job she has:  bringing the feminine to the most masculine job on the planet.  

What if we have been ignoring the obvious: to be feminine IS powerful.  

Womanly attributes (emotions, caring, conversation, community, art, fun) are exactly what we need. These are not weaknesses, but things that we have ignored for far too long and that our world needs more of. We need more caring of our communities: families in need, school systems; our earth: farming and nutrition practices, earth-friendly energy; and our bodies: listening not controlling.

To harness your female energy, and to truly feel comfort in your body, to get to a point where food does not control you, and to have a healthy libido, you need to access your ability to receive pleasure.  You have to know what “turns you on,” and what you really, truly desire.

By “turn on,” I mean more than just sexually, although sex is included in that statement.  I also mean what brings pleasure even in the mundane:  sitting down for a few minutes; seeing a beautiful flower and then smelling it; picking out an awesome outfit and getting dressed up; taking a luxurious hour-long walk around the lake.    

You have to be not afraid to ask for it. And when you get it, you share it with others!  You brag and celebrate.

“Nicole, I’m not going to ‘brag,’ that’s rude,” you may say.

I think not feeling free to brag is a problem.  We should be celebrating along with the women who have things going well for them!  

We have been culturally mind-controlled into thinking that the ideal female body looks a certain way.  The thing is:  it usually doesn’t come from the outside in; it’s the other way around.  

When you’re happy –> you’re healthy.  

NOT

When you manipulate your body into a certain shape –> happiness

As a youth, I OBSESSED over the shape of my body, as many women – young and old – do.  Looking back at old photos of myself I’m like, “I looked great!  Why was I so unhappy with my body then?”  And then I think:

“I wish I could look like that now!”  

No, Nicole.  Be happy where you are now.  Enjoy the moment; listen to your body and then…happiness.  When you’re happy with NOW, then your body is happy too.  

angry-guys-2This is the essence of the feminine.  OK – now some practical advice – what to say when a man asks you to “smile!”  

  1. “I am smiling.”  (courtesy of Clint Eastwood)
  2. “NO!”  Then hiss like an angry cat.
  3. “Why do you ask me to smile?  Does it make you uncomfortable that I may be experiencing some other emotion than happiness?  If I’m not extremely happy at this exact moment as you’re walking by, I should smile because I look better to you?  Is it my job to make your life a constant reminder of beauty and happiness?  Have you ever thought that maybe I am not happy right now and that I have a right to express that without your interference???”

2 Comments

  1. Interesting discussion. I never really thought about these issues that extensively before.

    Reply
  2. Interesting viewpoints Nicole. I think you are on to something:))

    Reply

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