Dealing with Grief

candles

The Holy-days are approaching, and you may start to feel sadness from ones past, or sadness and anger from the last election…

There’s a tendency in our society to want to mask these emotions.  It makes people feel uncomfortable if we’re not smiling 24-7. We don’t like that in other people so we don’t like that in ourselves…or is it the other way around?  

My way to deal with grief and the other so-called “negative” emotions, is to let them fully ensconce you.  You have to let go of the need to feel happy and just let yourself feel what you feel.  Take a sick day from work if you need to.  

How to have an awesome “Mental Health Day”:

  1. Wear all black.  Bonus points for rips and tears in your clothes.  Bonus points for incorporating part of your Halloween costume.  
  2. Put on outrageous makeup and make your hair all crazy-looking.  
  3. Listen to some really angry / sad music. 
  4. Cry / scream / dance
  5. Watch a movie or read a book that makes you cry.
  6. Make /do something creative:  art collage, altar, painting, or even just cleaning out your closet (literally and figuratively!)

You need to take your time with the grieving process.  You can’t rush this, but allowing yourself to wallow for a time will help you move through the process quicker.  

If you try to rush the process of grieving, it will only slow you down.  

Take as long as you need.  Don’t hide it.  If people ask you how you’re feeling, tell them the truth.  

Like this:

Store Clerk:  “Hi, how are you today?”

You:  (grunt, shrug)

Store Clerk:  (indignant) “You’re supposed to say, ‘fine, how are you!”

I’m kidding.  No one is going to say that.  

I think it is so weird that we expect people to just go around with smiles plastered on their faces all day long.  “I’m fine!  How are YOU?  I hope you’re fine too because it will be so awkward if you’re not!”  

Then, you will notice a shift.  

It’s like when you’re sick with a cold, then eventually you’re like, “I’m so sick of being sick!” and the next day you feel better.  

Once you’re sick of feeling sad and mopey, you’re done.  You don’t need Prozac; you don’t need Seraquil or whatever the newest antidepressant is on the market today.  You need to feel your feels and take your time doing it.  

If you repress it, it will stick with you.  That’s when you have a problem.  

Express; don’t repress.  When you repress emotions, your Qi stagnates.  Then you feel angry, irritable.  You have more body pain, headaches, PMS.  Emotional eating.  

Be OK with being “not OK.”  Your body, mind, and spirit will then circle back to feeling OK without much effort.  It kind of just happens on its own if you don’t force it.  

RULES FOR FEELING “NOT OK”:

  1. No fake smiles.
  2. No “I’m fine; how are you?”  It’s OK to say, “I don’t want to talk about it,” though.  
  3. Dress like how you feel.
  4. Still take exquisite self-care:  eating properly, massages, intimacy, meditation, exercise, and whatever else you need to take care of your body, mind, and spirit.  
  5. Repeat after me, “I am not responsible for other people’s happiness.”  
  6. Social media is optional.  But you may be better taking a break from it.  Delete the apps from your phone.  
  7. Remember what you’re grateful for.  Brag about it.  
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